It’s taken me a long time to really understand the importance of always taking the high road with people. I still struggle with not going with my first response when someone says or does something that feels to me like an attempt to hurt me. My first reaction in my mind is anger. I’ve learned not to show this. Although what was said or done was hurtful, sometimes the intent might not have been to do so. Therefore, I note what happened and decide later how I plan to respond or not.

Season two of Bravo TV’s Real Housewives of Atlanta showed scenes of one of my favorite personalities on the reality show, NeNe Leakes, attempting to resolve conflict by talking to potential offender one-on-one later when emotions had dwindled. This action was one of the reasons why I liked her so much in season one. In season two, when she tried to resolve issues this way tempers flared, the situation escalated and her relationships were damaged. She didn’t take the high road in the conversations. Because she didn’t and the other person chose not to either, arguments escalated and she lost some of the esteem I had for her.

Reality for everyone is like that. We cannot make someone say or do something that they don’t choose. We can only control our own words and actions. Therefore, an offender does sometimes need a side conversation, but it is up to us to make sure that the situation doesn’t escalate.

I’ve been in situations where people in the workplace have attempted to escalate tensions in me in order to place my employment in jeopardy. In these situations, I believe that the intent was to escalate me to anger. Their voice inflections and accusing words were modulated in a way that would have increased the emotions in the unaware. I choose in situation such as these to laugh and take the air out of their balloon. When you know what people are doing, it is much easier to achieve your outcome in a situation and not theirs. You control you and don’t allow anyone else’s game plan take you where you don’t want to be. The trick is to figure out their game plan and to realize who all the players are. Taking the high road might make other people think that they’ve won the war. However, it is not over until you choose it to be. Choose wisely in the moment your above-the-line response for it is the path to your chosen outcome.

Pamela E. Bailey