Dr. Phil says that there are seven critical choices that we make that define who we think we are. I’m not sure about the number or what we think, but I firmly believe that we choose who we are and no one else. It is true that at times we might confuse what we think about ourselves with reality. However, the definition of who we are is 100% ours to define.

Scandals over the past few years have shown us the fallacy of reputation. The most prominent of those scandals is the 2009 disclosure of Tiger Woods’ multiple lives. The world placed him on a pedestal as a model example of integrity. His choices, however, have caused his good reputation to fade into reality.

What I add to Dr. Phil’s critical choice theory is that reputation is meaningless. I suppose that is why spiritual texts advise against judging other people. Intentions are the primary factors that define who we are. And, only we know what those intentions are when we speak or act. We should learn from the scandals to always think about potential outcomes before we take that first step that is outside of who we tell ourselves we are. We can condition ourselves to “choose in the moment” before we commit and make the current choice critical for us in a negative way.

Choosing in the moment involves asking ourselves questions like:
• What will be the consequences if I choose to speak or act a specific way
• Would I be happy for everyone to know what I did or said
• What are my alternative choices and would one of them be wiser

Everything happens for a reason, even if we don’t understand it when it happens. The key learning for people of Tiger’s generation and younger is to make each choice count for something positive that is in keeping with their beliefs, values and ethics. Life always fades to reality and you want to be happy about what that reality means to your possibilities.

Pamela E. Bailey